September 21, 2017

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Sometimes it can be tough being a groupie

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theweekly2111I swear to the almighty this weather can really ruin one’s plans. Nevertheless, moi still found a way to go out there and see what the City of Cold had in store for me.

Mahungra was the first stop and there was Mpho K showing off his car that happens not to be his. Boy, you better not even think of playing games with me because you know I know your story and I know you’re nothing but a broke cheapskate . The last I heard your Jet Store account hadn’t been paid for millions of years; and yet you think you can boast about drinking the finest whisky. Shame on you! *Sies*

Miss High Mileage was in the building, or rather open space, in her usual leopard print leggings and I immediately felt like vomiting hleng. My dear Tshidi S, where in God’s name do you still get those things? I know for certain that proper stores don’t sell that rubbish anymore and yet here you are still wearing those hideous things in public. Tjo, o strong hle ngwaneso.

What’s wrong with bo Tshidi ba Blomo? I mean really, am extremely disappointed. This one’s a** looks worse than a car’s flat tyre. I honestly wonder how this beautiful girl got to this point. Well, we all know how that happens but that’s none of my business so let me leave it at that.

Bkay was super easy this past weekend. Certainly not sober but easy. Always a pleasure seeing you Sir. *Gosh*

Why in the blue hell is DJ What What so judgemental of other DJs’ sets? The brother surely thinks of himself as a perfectionist, if you ask me.

Surprise the DJ decided to give some poor girl the cold shoulder. What’s with the arrogance, abuti? Or are you married? Let us know so that we don’t bother you coz clearly the way you turned down the beautiful Mpho was so not on. Mxm!

I’m always struggling to have peace of mind whenever Pearl is in the place. At least girlfriend didn’t do the nasty stuff in the car this time around because hubby was in the building too.

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I bet my last penny had he not been there, we’d be having a different story right now. Out of curiosity, can you ever say no, Pearl? Because the way I see it you’re like a robot that’s forever green my dear. Shame really!

Let’s give credit where it’s due hleng: DJ Kamo is slowly but surely getting there. I for one am beginning to enjoy his sets now. Big ups my dude!

As always, DJ Hunter set the stage alight with his Hennessey in hand. Forget it hleng, the boy is truly an entertainer. Qboy should up for a split sec and pha pha he was nowhere to be found. Where in the blazesl did you disappear to my beloved brother? Don’t pull that stunt on me next time.

There world is yours, well in this case is the world was yours, Candice. It was literally all yours until you unleashed your true self and lost a good man. Shame. But I must confess, seeing you too in the same building and him not talking to you was straight up awkward. Eish! Life neh.

Who’s that opposition councillor? That one who enjoys the best of both worlds? Flip I forgot his name. Why in God’s name is such a fine brother betting for the other side? Such an injustice is unforgivable.

Then there was Sir Juice, always minding his own business. I’m so not gonna lie, if I was not well mannered, I so would have made my move on you a long time ago. Luckily my mama raised me right.

Pastor Moloi…Is this even acceptable for me to mention Mahungra and Pastor in the same sentence? Or am I being too hard on you my good Pastor? Maybe I am. Maybe I really should go easy on you. Maybe there’s nothing wrong showing up drunk with three genuinely ugly ladies in your arms. Maybe God understands that you’re still young and have a right to loosen up from time to time.

Maybe, just maybe, you couldn’t resist the urge to…you know what, never mind. I’m so not going to put your business out there, man of God.

John….John…John…one day the world will know the real you, but for now, careful what you get up to. You never know who’s watching. *Wink*

Easy E, my friend, a headset in a club… Really friendo? You do know what that makes you look, right? Let me back off.

Okay, good people. Until next time. Let me get my sexy self to bed. Night!

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