August 17, 2017

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If the cap fits, wear it

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A little birdie tells me some pantypreneurs went ballistic after yours truly dished out some dirt on them, so much so that they decided to hurl unprintable words at one of my colleagues. Luckily he had the sanity to ignore them.

Ache, really Miss Pearlie, darling I so don’t have words for you and your coke-snorting loose panty friends. But rest assured that if you push too hard, I might be tempted to inform hubby where you were on Saturday and Sunday and who you were with for that matter.

theweekly2111-1-1-1How ‘bout that, huh? Did I just hear you singing ‘me so h**ny, me love you long time’? Twat! Eish, I so hope you used protection; we all know that one is a dead man walking!

Ok good people, now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get to business. My useless paparazzo was nowhere to be found but I still found my way to do what I do best. First stop was, wait a minute, ok let me rather not tell.

The Thou’ts was the place to be and, uninvited as I was, I had to show my pretty face. No doubt, Tiki knows when and how to look the part, shame. Jealous down, apart from the serious face, the brother looked spot on, on the night.

And as for you Lesedi, my dear worn out friend, you’ve had your time girlfriend. You’re no longer relevant. I mean look at you. I don’t mean to sound uncouth but, really friendo, there’s simply no way you’re going to turn back the hands of time. Ho fedile ka wena, your body might attract a few lusty eyes, but the engine is kaput! Sorry dear.

Shrek was in the building with one fine yellow bone from Lesotho. No doubt, that girl was super beautiful. But I really wonder what she saw in him. Maybe ke love. Phela worse things have happened, you know.

Some DJ’s from Lesedi Fm need serious home training, even dogs have better manners. I’ll leave it at that good people before I get all explosive on this one. DJ Hlokoza, nice set my brother. You’re one unpredictable spin jockey, thanks a million for rocking.
Councillor, councillor, councillor, jwale what did you do to piss off wifey? I mean for her to give you a warm klap like that. Eish, your stupid a** shouldn’t have brought that oldie to the club, to be honest. Serves you right.

I know Kholohelo likes them dirty but this one was the worst of them all. And the nerve of showing up with her in public like that. Where do you get that liver from mare? No shame, o robile record with this one. Kore the way Sipho e sele alchololic ka teng, I can’t tell when he’s sober and when he’s not. Mxm.

I don’t care whether you want to believe it or not, but Musa was stinkend dronk. I don’t know whether he thought we wouldn’t notice. The brother still has a beautiful voice though. And oh, congratulations for taking Herbal Life, the results are evident shame.

So, Miss So and So, I see you got a new weave after last week’s advices, lol. Bona, you looked super stunning darling. As for the Tom Ford handbag, you must have done something mesmerising on your visit to Southern Sun on Thursday, darling. Room 211 neh! You go girl!

The DJ Leegody and DJ Hunter double team, risky as it was, paid off. This Gqom thing is really in their blood. Ha e le Hunter le dance floor—the less said the better.

Let me send my sincere apologies to the good Pastor for my unkind remarks. I mean you falling off your motorbike was not something for me to have fun about. I am deeply sorry to have offended all three of you: yourself, the girlfriend and the wife. Tswarelo Ntate! Mea culpa, mea culpa mea maxima culpa. *Act of contrition*

Lelo is a dancing machine, no debate there. The girl should opt for choreography, she’s that good shame. Real talk; Tank ke charma and he knows it! DJ Fariki, thanks a million sir. Xoxo
Until next time good people, me love you long time, but me no h**ny. Cheers!

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